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Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels