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Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Do bees even have knees?
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.