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I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
What about a To-Don`t List?
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?