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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren`t my kids but he`d never fire a Mom of seven, right?
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
bras are booby-traps
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.