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I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed…. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.