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So many rules; so little time to break them.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
Facebook should make it to where it says, `Went from being in a relationship` to `Problem solved.`