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Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!