Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…