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Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
You know your a$s is ugly when you`re the one always asked to take the photo.
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
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I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.