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"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?