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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car