Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!