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really vry funny
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around