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My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...