Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY