Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon