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Beer is good, but beers are better.
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
If you aren`t sure if you like someone, here`s a test: imagine they`re dead. Now, was it an accident or did you murder them?
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.