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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.