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The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.