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WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.