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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened the refrigerator and thought, What am I doing inside the refrigerator?
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
How many decades of knowing someone before it`s rude to ask what their name is?
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.