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I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.