Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.