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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.