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A wise man, will often say nothing
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
Condoms prevent minivans.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
I`d go to church if they had Wi-Fi.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.