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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?