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Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.