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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.