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I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
I`m not saying your opinion is stupid, I`m just saying you`re stupid for having it
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!