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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?