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I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!