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I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .