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You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.