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Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
How long does it take to get obsessed?
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.