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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
Don’t jump to confusions.
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?