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I wish my mind had a delete button.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.