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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
My date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.