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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.