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Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Is Nudeism a religion?
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.