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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.