Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
See above or below for better statuses.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window