Daily Silly Status

Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?

Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.

Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..

I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?

lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:

You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!

Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?

Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is

you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning

Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?

I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.

I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath

The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.

If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.