Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
See above or below for better statuses.
Iām tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window