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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
Chip clips are for quitters.
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?