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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.