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Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
My misery likes tequila, not company.