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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.