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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
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