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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
The future was so much cooler in the past.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"