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What I do when I black out is none of my business.
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
I make a great second impression.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree