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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like Iām choking it to death.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"