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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.