Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.