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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!