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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
Gun Control: Use both hands
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.