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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.