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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.