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I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
The best part of an argument is the make up sex...unless you`re fighting with your brother.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.