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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
I pack an hour before leaving for a trip but unpacks 3 months after coming home
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea Iām not the teacher.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.