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I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.