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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.