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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.