Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
Exercise? More like extra fries.
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
It should really be called teethpaste.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.