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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Word for the day is asstard
I never fail to win at Rock, Paper, Scissors when I pick up the other person and throw them out the window.
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."
Today`s subliminal thought is: …