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Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
Years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times