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In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have sā¬x.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?