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I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?