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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.