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The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
Long story short, I love summaries
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.