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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
there is no strong beer, only weak men
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.