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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
Not to brag but when I push it, I push it real good.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.