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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
I know u r but what am I ?
wants to rock and roll all night
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, Iād like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.