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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
I just threw up my weekend.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.