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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Marriage tip: Don`t
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
Is Nudeism a religion?
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.