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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.