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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.