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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.