Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.